Title: Love Runs Deeper: Chapter Seventeen, Hidden Bruises
Rating: NC-17 [drinking, language, violence]

Summary: Lily tells Lindsey one of the biggest, darkest secrets of her life...






Struggling to process Lily’s words, Lindsey looked away ever so briefly, “What do you mean you don’t think anyone has been successful?”

Tears continued to run in rivulets down her cheeks and she looked away, “Lindsey…”

“Lily,” his hands squeezed hers, “please tell me, sweetheart.”

“I don’t want you to…”

“I won’t think any differently of you, baby. I promise.”

She sighed, “Promise?”

“Promise,” Lindsey nodded.

“Well,” Lily paused to take a deep breath, “it was my eighteenth birthday…”



Returning to her grandparents’ Oakland house after her shift at the nearby fast food restaurant, Lily pulled her barely running car to a halt in front of the middle class house. The car shuddered and groaned, making her fear it would not start again in the morning when she planned to go to Laney College and inquire about possibly enrolling the following term. With a sigh, she shoved the rusty door open, snatched her purse off the dirty passenger seat, and stepped out of the car, barely avoiding a puddle in the street. Bumping the door closed with her hip, but not bothering to lock it as its rundown state was enough of a deterrent for thieves, Lily headed up to the house.

It had never really bothered her that she had to park on the street rather than in the driveway or even the garage. She knew her car, which she bought herself two years prior with the two hundred dollars she managed to hide from her grandfather, would have looked even more out-of-place that close to nice things. It was just how it had to be. She parked her piece of junk car on the street, usually at the very edge of where her grandparents’ property ended, and headed into a house that did not feel like home, to sleep in a tiny bed in a room the size of her grandmother’s closet upstairs. She only took a single meal with the people entrusted with her well-being, and that often included her cooking the meal and listening to the two of them complain about the food, her appearance, her lack of social activities, her job, whatever they could talk down about.

She had not chosen that life, at all. Born to a mother who would rather drink, smoke, snort, shoot, and sleep around instead of caring for a child, Lily never really knew what family affection was like. After her mother was permanently hospitalized, she was sent to live with two people who certainly had not cared for her before: her grandmother and her husband. As both were retired, she from sewing and he from banking, they spent most of their time leisurely, which never included young Lily. The few moments they spared for the near-orphan never included words of encouragement or love, but rather snarled commands, raised fists, and bruises later needing lies to cover their source. She did not have a happy life at all.

Yet that day, Lily was determined to change everything. As of one thirty-seven that afternoon, she was eighteen years old. This meant she no longer had to abide by their petty demands and could choose her own life’s path. She fully believed she could work out going to school, a dream she had to brush aside when she graduated high school the year prior as it was deemed out of her league by her grandfather, while maintaining a job to pay for it and her mother’s care. 

But things rarely happened the same way in her head as they did in real life. That birthday was no exception. It did change everything, but…

Taking her purse directly to her room as she always did, Lily changed out of her greasy, smelly, polyester uniform, brushed her long blonde hair, and headed towards the kitchen. With little thought, she mechanically prepared dinner, playing the upcoming conversation in her mind. She would tell them her intentions and be on with her life in the morning.

Setting plates of food on the dining room table, she called for her grandparents as normal and stood waiting for their arrival. Her grandfather – really her step-grandfather as he married her grandmother three years prior to her birth – entered first. He paused, looked over the food, and then turned his attention to the teenager. Quickly appraising her appearance he smirked and left the room. Curious, but knowing better than to ask, Lily remained where she was, waiting to be allowed to sit down for the meal. Her grandmother entered the room and slipped into her chair, saying nothing to the young woman.

A moment later her grandfather returned, with a large glass of what certainly smelled like alcohol. He paused next to Lily, stared at her, and drank deeply from the large glass before heading to his seat. Sitting down, he muttered something to his wife and picked up his utensils. Both ate a few bites before giving Lily leave to sit down and join them. Remarkably neither wanted anything fixed like normal.

Waiting until the meal was nearly over, listening to their mundane conversations about things they deemed beyond her knowledge, Lily struggled to find the courage to tell them of her plan. Just being in their presence reduced her to a meek, little girl. Perhaps it was the way they both barked orders and demands. Or perhaps it was the sneer of disdain in their eyes when glancing at her. Regardless, she was quickly losing any semblance of boldness.

Quickly finishing her plate and getting up before either demanded her to clear the table, Lily began to stack the plates. Her golden eyes glanced around the room briefly and she bit her bottom lip. If she was going to tell them, now was likely her last chance.

“Since it’s my birthday today,” she spoke softly.

Both pairs of eyes snapped to hers.

“Did we invite you to speak?” her grandmother hissed.

“No,” Lily responded, picking up the pile of dishes. “I just wanted–”

“Do we look like we care what you want? You have been a burden on this family ever since you were conceived. We do not care what you want,” the silver-haired woman declared.

“Now, Joanna, can’t you see the girl wants to say something?” her grandfather smirked, reaching for his glass and quickly finishing it. “Out with it, girl.”

“Um,” she barely glanced up at him. “I just wanted to let you know I have plans tomorrow morning.”

He snorted, “You don’t have friends. What the hell could you be doing?”

“I just have to go somewhere.”

“Your mother once said that to us. And look where she ended up,” Clarence smirked.

Lily’s eyes dropped to the plates in her hands and she remained silent. Within seconds, her grandparents began to bash her mother and her. She closed her eyes and tried to block their mean words out, but soon the conversation turned from her illegitimacy to her lack of “any glimpse of beauty.” Once they tired of that, they stood, kissed sloppily, and left the dining room. Sighing, Lily turned and headed into the kitchen to clean up.

Her birthday wasn't unlike any other day.



Carefully packing her clothing into a pillowcase as she did not have a proper suitcase, Lily sighed. It was presumptuous to think her eighteenth birthday would be any different. It certainly was not a special day to anyone. They would not listen to her for even a moment. All she could hope for at that point was that her meeting with the college would go well. Then she could get out of there.

With her back turned towards her door, she did not see the doorknob turn. Hearing the door slam into the wall surprised her, causing her to jump slightly. She glanced over her shoulder and met her drunken grandfather’s eyes. He smiled crookedly at her and took a wavering step forward. Alarm set her soul on fire, knowing he could not be there for any good reason. But she was trapped in the small room, without even a window through which to escape.

His hands dropped to his belt as he slurred, “Now…thatyou’re… awoman…youdeserve…”

Having felt the bite of his belt before, she struggled to not recoil, knowing the beating would be worse if she did. It never occurred to her that he intended anything other than beating her for… she supposed, being born. If she did not look at him, did not give him the pleasure of seeing the pain and fear in her eyes, he would lose interest more quickly, so she kept her back to him. Perhaps he would just sling the belt against her butt, which her grandmother deemed too large, or across her back. That would be easy to hide.

Because her back remained facing him, she did not see his pants drop to the floor or the old man step out of them, reaching for her. He drunkenly collided with her, pushing her forward onto the small bed. Her worry tripled yet she did not struggle or attempt to fight back. Clarence clawed at her pants as he mumbled with whisky-scented breath about “making her a real woman.” It suddenly occurred to her what his intentions were.

And she began to wiggle and thrash about, trying to get away from him.

Her sudden resistance angered him. He punched the back of her head, causing her forehead to hit the corner of her rickety nightstand. His fingers forced her jeans down, pulling hard until her button fly gave away and pulled open. Struggling to remain conscious, Lily kept attempting to get away from him, ignoring the trickle of blood on her forehead. He hit her again, causing her to remain motionless for the briefest of minutes – long enough for him to yank down her cotton briefs.

She cried out as she felt his penis touch her body. As he pushed forward, Lily once again attempted to get away. Clarence pinned her down and bit her shoulder, forcing her to hold still. He pushed her legs open and attempted to thrust into her virginal sex from behind. Without any natural lubrication and Lily attempting to hold her legs together, he barely managed to press the tip into her body. As tears streamed down her face, he hit her again before turning her over. Without pause, he tore open her shirt and bit her nipples. She screamed in pain, causing him to slap her across the face. Again, he pushed her legs open, apparently thinking she would allow him entrance from the front since she did not from the back.

As he thrust forward, Lily sobbed and pleaded with him to stop. Her grandfather swore at her and bit her other nipple, leaving another set of red, teeth marks on her breasts. This set of screams was apparently enough for Clarence to fear either her grandmother’s involvement or perhaps someone outside of the house. He angrily snatched the pillowcase of clothes and pressed it over her face. Smothering her screams, he once more attempted to thrust into her body. Within moments, Lily’s resistance disappeared as she passed out from the inability to breathe.

Fiddling with the hem of her shirt, Lily glanced at Lindsey. Emotions she could not identify flickered across his face. Her eyes dropped down to her fingers and she bit her bottom lip briefly.

“When I regained consciousness, he was gone. I… I don’t really know if he was successful. I… I hurt everywhere. And I was terrified that if he h-hadn’t finished what he was doing, he would come back. Or even if he had…” she paused and took a breath. “So I shoved whatever I could into the pillowcases in my room and ran out to my car, blood crusting my skin. I… stayed in my car for three weeks, still working my fast food job, until I was able to get another job, that paid a bit more, in San Francisco. I rented a room from a girl I worked with for a while, but that ended when her boyfriend or brother or pimp came onto me. And I bounced from job to job and crap apartment to crap apartment… until you found me.”

“Wow,” Lindsey ran his fingers through his hair. “Lily, that’s…”

“I didn’t tell you so that you’d pity me or anything. I just… think you need to know why I’m so…”

He shifted closer and carefully slipped his arms around her, “Lily, I love you. I will never, ever hurt you. Nor will I let anyone else ever touch you. You are safe with me, Lil. I promise.”

“I know… I trust you. I just… wanted you to know.”

Lindsey kissed her temples, “I will always protect you.”

“I know…”

He held her for a few moments, trying to fully process her story. It did explain things. It explained her fear of the older male doctor called to her bedside the morning she would not wake. It explained her fear of intimacy. It explained her hesitation around older men. Though it was quite the thing to be told, Lindsey felt honored she deemed it safe to share with him. Even though it was a mighty thing to overcome, with her in his arms in that very moment, he was certain they could surmount it and live a normal, happy life. They would just need to avoid situations that put her at risk, emotionally or physically. Situations like whatever led to her near rape the previous day.

“Lil… I know you just shared an awful lot with me right now but… baby, what happened yesterday? With the man?”

“He tried to rape me but I kicked and punched him,” she responded.

“I know… I mean, why were you even there?”

She sighed, “I was there to make a payment.”

“For what?”

“I don’t really feel like talking about it right now,” Lily stated softly.

He kissed the top of her head, “Soon?”

“Maybe. I’d like… I’d like to just lie in your arms and hopefully sleep,” she declared.

Lindsey turned her face towards his and kissed her lips softly, “I would be honored.”



Waking before Lily, Lindsey remained in bed for a few long moments, watching her sleep. She was so beautiful when she slept, so relaxed and at ease. Though she had painfully explained her… repeated assault and neglect by her family, he could not quite fathom it. He understood it could happen to anyone but… why would anyone treat such a beautiful girl so poorly?

He had half a mind to sneak out of the hotel room and beat every single man who had ever wronged her. It was impractical and impulsive, but he felt it all the same. The best thing he could do was to love her and protect her. And try to not behave any different around her.

Carefully pulling away from his sleeping angel, Lindsey tucked the bedcovers around her and headed into the bathroom. Her voice hung in his thoughts, repeating bits and pieces of her story, as he lit a forbidden joint and stared at his reflection. He did not know how it was that he had become her protector, but he silently vowed to never let her down.

This included finding out who had attempted to force her the previous day and what she was even doing there.

After running the fan in the bathroom for a few minutes in hopes that the smell of pot would not waft out when he returned to the bedroom, Lindsey stepped out and headed over to the phone. Softly speaking, he placed a room service order. As he hung up the phone and turned back to the bed, he realized her eyes were open, watching his every move.

“Good afternoon, angel,” he spoke softly, approaching the bed.

“You didn’t run away,” she commented as he sat down, leaned over, and kissed her forehead softly.

“Why would I do that, Lil?”

“Because I’m damaged. Because I can’t be the girlfriend you deserve. Because –”

His lips touched hers to interrupt her words, “All of that is bullshit. You are perfect just the way you are.”

“Even though I’m terrified to be naked with you?”

He kissed her again, “Our relationship is about more than sex. That will come when you are comfortable with it, when you want it. I will never push you before you are ready.”

“I… thank you, Lindsey,” she breathed.

His lips brushed hers again, “What would you like to do today?”

Her eyes held his for a moment, “Pack.”

“What for, Lil?”

“I think we should move to the studio,” she declared.

His eyes held hers, “Are you sure?”

Lily nodded, “It makes no sense for you to be driving there every day and night. And… I think I’d be okay with Chris at least. And then we’d be closer… And… I just think we should.”

He caressed her cheek, “Then we’ll do that. Mick will be delighted.”

“I know,” she smirked.

“But… I don’t think the bus runs out there. How will you get done what you need to during the days?”

Lily paused for a moment, “I suppose get my driver’s license renewed and borrow your car?”

He smiled and kissed her quickly, “All of mine is yours.”